Healing

These past couple of weeks have been a little rough, getting used to the loss of my beloved Boston, Adie.  It’s still strange not having her here by my side every day, following me from room to room, especially by my bed when I wake up every morning.

This past week, her ashes were returned to us, which I knew would be a little rough, but when I saw they had included a set of her pawprint impressions, I broke down all over again.  I had gotten an imprint of her nose before she passed, but I didn’t think to get one of her paws.  I didn’t think I even needed one, but it was such a lovely surprise, it makes me smile.

adie 4

There are several ways I’ve been trying to feel better.  I’ve been drawing portraits of her before she was ill, because I knew it’d be hard afterward.  I tried drawing her later, but it was difficult, and made me sad, and just didn’t look right.  So I went to a different medium, and tried embroidery, stitching this little portrait of her, surrounded by her favorite thing, popcorn.

adie 1

I loved spending time with all the little pieces of her face.  I like that the popcorn ended up looking like little flowers, in a way.

Someone on Instagram sent me a message, saying “maybe you could make one of your Dream Creepers for yourself that looks a little like Adie?”  It was a good sign, as I had already been tossing the idea around for a little while.  I chose the fabric, something soft (because Dream Creepers make great neck pillows for long trips), and my husband helped me put it all together.

adie 5

If you look closely, you can even see I added a little something on her snooter:  a little foil heart on her nose, sealed in resin.  She ALWAYS had something on her snooter from sniffing the floor for crumbs, and people used to laugh at my photos with the same caption over and over again:  “Adie, you’ve got something on your snooter.”

adie 6

I started to realize that those funny moments, the ones that made me smile, were where the healing was.  The best memories were the happy ones, and instead of dwelling on how much I missed her, I started remembering all the funny things.

Recently I visited a friend who is a tattoo artist.  Annie and I have known each other for awhile, and she knew how special Adie is to me.  She drew up the most perfect design of Adie with her favorite thing–popcorn–and added a piece to her snooter.  She tattooed it on me, and I was floored at how wonderful it looked (because Annie is an amazing artist).  I love it immensely, and I love that I get to carry her little happy face with me wherever I go.  Instead of being a super serious portrait, it makes me smile.

adie 3

Like the time I sculpted a goofy portrait of her, and she was less than impressed…

adie 2

One of the biggest realizations for me was this portrait I drew.  Initially, I wanted to draw her sitting in her “old man” pose, with her little pink belly hanging out, which always made me smile.  But it ended up looking sad.

adie 7

…Until I added a fart.  Because my hairy girl could clear a ROOM.  You wouldn’t expect something so small would make a smell so obnoxious, but it always made me laugh as I was gasping for air.  And it didn’t bother her in the slightest.

So that helped a lot.  For some reason, something like that goofy drawing makes me instantly remember the funny side of her, and makes me feel happy.  It wasn’t something I expected, but I’m grateful for it, that something so little helped me heal with a smile.

And in a perfect moment of great timing, my husband sent me this image, which happened to be in his Instagram feed DIRECTLY after my post of how a little toot-doodle made me smile again…

ryan

And it’s the truth.

3 responses

  1. So I’m reading your beautifully worded post, and crying at the loss of Adie, and at the beautiful ways you have chosen to keep her memory alive. Then, there is that gorgeous drawing of her with the fart gases and sound, making me laugh and appreciate her beauty in the most benign and odoriferous ways. You should consider being a serious a writer as well as an accomplished artist. You really have a gift for using words to create a feeling and a vision. Thank you for sharing your journey.

    1. Such sweet words, thank you so very much! Your comment is a bright light that makes me smile. Thank you.

  2. It is so wonderful that your creativity is helping you heal from the loss of Adie. Commemorating her in such a way is obviously helping you relive all of those happy memories that will enable her to live on in your heart.

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