Pause

out of this worldI always think it seems silly to write “Sorry I didn’t get a chance to write a post this week,” as if everyone’s sitting around holding their breath, WAITING for one.  It’s such a quiet, solitary task, writing these posts on my own, without real audience in mind.

But I know you’re out there.  I’ve read wonderful, inspiring comments from people.  Working distance from home the past 8 or so years has made me pretty solitary.  I don’t talk to many people all day.  I have my very good friends I text & call, and I have a wonderful family, but day-to-day is so quiet…I like it!  I really do.  I ENJOY time to myself; I soak it up.  But since it’s so quiet, I often use the internet as an outlet; as a way to communicate.  I know there are people who find wonderful things in the things I post, and I am so very grateful for those comments.  That anyone would take the time to write something thoughtful means so much more than you can imagine.

The reason I started this blog was to share ideas with people, to encourage them to try new things, and not be afraid to jump in and do it, no matter what the outcome.  I wanted people to know that art isn’t perfect.  It takes work and practice, and sometimes even if you do the best you can possibly do, it doesn’t always turn out the way you planned it in your head…and that’s totally OKAY (and sometimes even BETTER!).

IMG_5208

I put more pressure on myself than anyone else, I think.  Don’t most of us?  That makes my standards (for myself, at least) very high…sometimes unattainably high.  I’ve always maintained that a positive attitude can change a LOT of things.  After a lifetime full of military culture, I consider myself an “optimistic pessimist.”  I live by my own Army Wife mantra:  hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

Having such high standards for myself means I don’t like to admit when I’m having a hard time.  I’ve been reading Amanda Palmer’s “The Art of Asking,” and it nearly makes me cry with each chapter, because it’s so absolutely FOREIGN to me.  Although I have needed lots of help from time to time, my life has been all about trying to maintain self-sufficiency.  It’s seemed shameful to me, to admit that I’m having a hard time, even to my family.  In military culture, not being able to handle things just ISN’T AN OPTION.  When my husband is deployed, I CAN’T break down–things would just fall apart for EVERYone.  He would fall apart.  Our family would fall apart.  So you have to stay strong and hold it all together the best you can.  Some duty stations, you get so very lucky (like we did in Alaska), and people pull together like family does, and we all help eachother–some even becoming lifelong friends.  Some duty stations (like here), they just leave you out to dry.

In any case, I’ve always felt that spreading bad times creates more bad times.  I don’t pretend they’re happy times, I usually just keep them to myself. I figure EVERYONE has rough times.  Everyone’s got their own struggles.  What good does it do to share mine?

IMG_6321But yes.  It’s a hard time right now.  I know it’ll pass.  Bad things pass, just like the good things, so the best I can do is find gratitude wherever I can, and be thankful for what I do have.  Gratitude has always gotten me through rough times.

So in the spirit of change, instead of a complaint, I’m going to send out a hope.  I want to send out a hope that the ones we love know how special they are to us, and will ALWAYS know they are special to us.  I want to send out a hope that things will change for the better.  I want to send out a hope that we can find a way to make the things that we love touch someone else in some small special way.  I want to send everyone a warm hug from many miles away, and tell each and every one: THANK YOU.  Thank you so much.

iloveyouI’m gonna giving myself a mulligan.  Let’s try this again next week.  Or in another week.  Let me dust myself off and get back to you, okay?  Time heals everything, and gives you new perspective.  I’m looking forward to that.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

48 responses

  1. I feel so connected to you reading these lines
    Thank you for sharing
    I’m sending a million hugs from Greece

    1. Thank you so much! I could really use a million hugs from Greece!

  2. Hi Mica Angela. What a beautiful post, straight from the heart!
    Well, just so you know, there are people waiting for you to post stuff. I love what you do, and it’s always a pleasure to look at your art.
    I also wanted to let you know that it IS difficult to work from home, and it IS normal to use the internet to connect with people, even strangers like me 🙂
    Asking for help is difficult, I always pride myself in doing everything by myself, and as I result I get frustrated and worried and tired. If you ask for help, you’ll be surprised by how easily people will actually give you a hand. So try it 🙂
    Take your time, enjoy your beautiful daughter, and come back whenever you want.

    1. Thank you so much! Asking for help is so hard, partly because I don’t always know what I need! 🙂 But I’m working on it… I’m so grateful you’re here!

  3. I so enjoy all of your posts and paintings. You are always so inspiring.
    Everyone certainly does go through tough times and it is comforting to know there are people you can count on even if they are not right there. I am ex Navy myself and understand the changes you all have to go through as a family.
    If you ever need another ear or someone to chat with I am here and would love to talk.
    Just know all that you do for so many of your followers. When I am having a bad day I look at the paintings and they always make me smile.

    Tina

    1. Thank you so very much! That alone makes me feel less alone. It feels good to know I can make other people smile, even if I’m having a hard time myself. Thank you!

  4. I usually just read without commenting, but your artwork and the projects you share with your daughter are so inspiring, I feel compelled to send a little love your way today. ❤ Things might suck right now, but they won't always suck. And all of us need a Mulligan from time to time. Be gentle with yourself.

    1. I really appreciate the love! Thank you so much for taking the time to say so. I appreciate you!

  5. Thank you for writing and sharing! Once my friend told me that any problem can be solved with money is not a problem. Making right choices and decisions can avoid a lot of problems down the road, but life is full of ups and downs — never a smooth sail! Exercise is the best way to clear your head and make you feel better.

    All the best with a big hug! :)) Emily

    1. Thank you so much! Yes, I’ve been taking long, fast walks in the mornings, and that’s felt pretty nice. 🙂

  6. Hey Lady!

    We all get to sit on that hot seat now and then. Unfortunately, it’s your turn again. Lay low and bide your time. This too shall pass. Know that there are many of us that care about you and your family!

    I love you too!

    Kimberly Arden

    1. Thank you so much for caring! I’m waiting out the storm…

  7. Your art is comfort and your art gives comfort. That’s an important truth to help you through the tough times. I (as do many) always look forward to a new post, new visual memories, new contributions from you and it’s even better if posting offers you solace. Sending you thoughts of strength from not so far away in Texas. 🙂

    1. That’s such a wonderful thing to hear, and makes me feel good inside. Thank you so very much, I appreciate it! 🙂

  8. i enjoy your blog and think your artwork is AMAZING! I rarely comment, however. I, too, write a blog and really appreciate when someone takes the time to comment. So, I’m commenting today. Not knowing you or whT your going through all I can say is do the best you can and believe in yourself. The only thing you can control is you and how you react to things. Wishing you well….. And keep on …..

    1. I appreciate you taking the time to comment! I’m keeping my chin up and still swimming. Might be a tired ol’ dogpaddle, but I’m still swimming…. Thank you so much for writing!

  9. I feel the same way! I don’t want to admit that its rough because like you said everybody has it rough, what good does it does to add bad to bad? Thanks for this post!

    1. Thank YOU so much for reading it!

  10. You ask “Everyone’s got their own struggles. What good does it do to share mine?” The answer is that sometimes sharing helps someone identify with what you are going through and so it helps them and sometimes typing it out also helps you unburden yourself by virtue of having processed your thoughts and feelings. I for one can identify with much of what you have written. Immigration and the fact my husband is not around much if at all during the working week mean that I am pretty isolated and want for adult conversation. I too am ferociously independent and self-sufficient. When I find free time, I throw myself into things like my art because that is an act of self-care. I try to remember that I cannot pour from an empty cup and that looking after myself is vital if I am to look after anyone else. Invest in yourself.

    1. It does feel better to know you’re not alone in your feelings at least, or to show that not everyone’s wonderful all the time, even the people you think have it together! I am horrible at self-care…but I’m trying! Thank you so much for your kind words!

  11. We just think it is amazing that you share your stunning talent and your wonderful daughter with us. It is so easy to see someone like you who is so gifted and imagine that your life is perfect. So it is heartwarming for you to share that you are having a bad day, and we can help lift you back up. I enjoy being alone, too, but sometimes it’s not wonderful. And you have just come back from the craziness that is ComiCon, so that has to be a bit of an adjustment. Be gentle with yourself. We don’t have huge, must-do expectations from you. We are just thrilled to peek into your world when you will let us. Sending hugs!

    1. Ah, that makes me feel so warm…thank you so much! Yes, no one’s life is perfect, which is why I try to show the mistakes along with the good things. It helps to know how many people are out there who feel the same way sometimes. Thank you!

  12. What a beautiful, open-hearted post, and wonderful artwork. I wish you strength and courage to get through your difficult time. M

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words!

  13. Love this piece of your daughter 🙂 Can’t wait to see your working pics of my piece!!! 😉 No rush 🙂 Nicola Beeson | Artist

    Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time. -Dali Lama

    1. Thank you, Nicola! Yep, still getting through a couple of the others, and then yours is up!

  14. Being a Brit, I’m used to the stiff upper lip approach; smile, tell everyone ‘I’m fine’, and try to get through whatever’s happening without anyone knowing – because to ask for help is a sign of weakness. But as someone else has already pointed out in these comments, sometimes admitting there’s a problem can help – both you and whoever’s listening.

    You give so much pleasure by sharing your creativity and positivity; let us help (albeit in a small way) by listening when things get rough.

    I’ve picked up your hope and sent it winging back – hoping that this hard time passes and there’s bluer skies ahead for you and yours. x

    1. Thank you so much, Katherine! It’s been so nice hearing from you for so long! It’s such a good feeling to feel that something good you put out can come back to you as goodness. I hope it sticks with me. Thank you so much for all your kind words!

  15. I am so inspired by your art, and I envy that you have that expressive medium to help you through your dark times. Wishing you all the best!

    1. Thank you! Yes, in hard times, a good sketchbook is always a good friend…

  16. Joann Wells Greenbaum | Reply

    After reading all of the above comments, it’s so heartwarming to see how other people want to share their support when you ask for help. Good for you, because not only does it give other people a chance to help, but you also show an example of how to let go of your own resistance to ask. That kind of example really encourages other people too. I don’t usually comment either, but this post really touched my heart! I love reading your posts, because you demonstrate not only creativity, but courage and love and a willingness to be you and let us share that, so that we can also learn from you. Thank you and know that we all struggle, but in the struggle, speaking for myself, I learn how to be more compassionate and how to share that with others. We’re not meant to be islands unto ourselves, even if we spend a lot of time in solitude, as I do too. I think even in solitude we can be sharing our positive thoughts and mentally send them out to the world! Sharing this in a blog is even better! You rock!

    1. Thank you so very much for such kindness….It does feel so very good to hear such wonderful things to people who comment. I’m grateful for it, and grateful for your words! Thank you!

  17. Sorry (not, like, I feel responsible sorry, rather I feel empathy sorry) that you’re going through a rough patch in life. I am too. I have to choose to believe it will get better for me, and I suspect lit will for you too.

    (P.S. This week someone in my online support group for creative people asked who the other members’ favorite artist to follow is, and I told them all about you. I love your perspective on life, parenting, and creating. I always feel hesitant to say stuff like this to famous people because I know there are a lot of people who you don’t know who feel like they should be able to “own” a piece of you, but I really wish we could be “real life” friends.) 🙂

    1. Ohhhhh what a sweet thing to hear! Thank you so much. And gosh, I hope you didn’t mean me when you said “famous!” I’m just plain ol’ me, trudging through day to day stuff, doing the best I can like everyone else! Thank you again, I’m at least glad to have you as a computer-friend!

  18. Life is tough at times. It’s not what you are dealt in life, but how you react to what you are dealt, with this thought in mind, you know that as you have said, it is a temporary situation and it will pass. By writing a blog, you open yourself up, lay your heart open, making yourself somewhat vulnerable. It’s a scary thing to do, as you have experienced in the past. But the positive, caring feelings expressed by all those that find value in your wonderful posts, far outweigh any negativity that has ever been imposed upon you. I find you inspiring. I know you know you are not “alone”. You have many who care so much for you. Family and friends, and blog followers. If love and care can heal your heart, it will soon be mended good as new! I find it endearing that I can learn from YOU, as an adult. As I once taught you! How great is that? Love and hugs….life and joy will return, in full force. Be sad, lick your wounds…feel bad…then get up and fight and live, you are loved.

    1. Thank you so much, mama. I love you a million trillion miles and back. 🙂

  19. Beautiful post. I know exactly what you mean. Thank you. This too shall pass. Sending you lots of blobby love and hugs.

    1. Thankyou for the blobbly love and hugs! 🙂

      1. You’re welcome! I’m glad you appreciate them, typos and all!!! 🙂

  20. Very inspirational. Thank you very much, you busy mockingbird!

    1. You’re very welcome, and thank YOU!

  21. May you be filled with lovingkindness.
    May you be well in body and in mind.
    May you be safe from inner and outer dangers.
    May you be truly happy and free.

    1. Such kind words–thank you so much…

  22. How did I miss this one?! I read you every week–must have been a random spam occurrence. I relate so much to what you are saying. It’s hard to ask for help, but we do need each other. I feel so blessed to be let into your wonderful, creative mind and know that we are out her sending you positive energy and praying for you. Your work is such a blessing and inspiration.

    1. 🙂 Well, I’m glad you found it–thank you so much, I appreciate the thoughts! 🙂

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