I always think it seems silly to write “Sorry I didn’t get a chance to write a post this week,” as if everyone’s sitting around holding their breath, WAITING for one. It’s such a quiet, solitary task, writing these posts on my own, without real audience in mind.
But I know you’re out there. I’ve read wonderful, inspiring comments from people. Working distance from home the past 8 or so years has made me pretty solitary. I don’t talk to many people all day. I have my very good friends I text & call, and I have a wonderful family, but day-to-day is so quiet…I like it! I really do. I ENJOY time to myself; I soak it up. But since it’s so quiet, I often use the internet as an outlet; as a way to communicate. I know there are people who find wonderful things in the things I post, and I am so very grateful for those comments. That anyone would take the time to write something thoughtful means so much more than you can imagine.
The reason I started this blog was to share ideas with people, to encourage them to try new things, and not be afraid to jump in and do it, no matter what the outcome. I wanted people to know that art isn’t perfect. It takes work and practice, and sometimes even if you do the best you can possibly do, it doesn’t always turn out the way you planned it in your head…and that’s totally OKAY (and sometimes even BETTER!).
I put more pressure on myself than anyone else, I think. Don’t most of us? That makes my standards (for myself, at least) very high…sometimes unattainably high. I’ve always maintained that a positive attitude can change a LOT of things. After a lifetime full of military culture, I consider myself an “optimistic pessimist.” I live by my own Army Wife mantra: hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.
Having such high standards for myself means I don’t like to admit when I’m having a hard time. I’ve been reading Amanda Palmer’s “The Art of Asking,” and it nearly makes me cry with each chapter, because it’s so absolutely FOREIGN to me. Although I have needed lots of help from time to time, my life has been all about trying to maintain self-sufficiency. It’s seemed shameful to me, to admit that I’m having a hard time, even to my family. In military culture, not being able to handle things just ISN’T AN OPTION. When my husband is deployed, I CAN’T break down–things would just fall apart for EVERYone. He would fall apart. Our family would fall apart. So you have to stay strong and hold it all together the best you can. Some duty stations, you get so very lucky (like we did in Alaska), and people pull together like family does, and we all help eachother–some even becoming lifelong friends. Some duty stations (like here), they just leave you out to dry.
In any case, I’ve always felt that spreading bad times creates more bad times. I don’t pretend they’re happy times, I usually just keep them to myself. I figure EVERYONE has rough times. Everyone’s got their own struggles. What good does it do to share mine?
But yes. It’s a hard time right now. I know it’ll pass. Bad things pass, just like the good things, so the best I can do is find gratitude wherever I can, and be thankful for what I do have. Gratitude has always gotten me through rough times.
So in the spirit of change, instead of a complaint, I’m going to send out a hope. I want to send out a hope that the ones we love know how special they are to us, and will ALWAYS know they are special to us. I want to send out a hope that things will change for the better. I want to send out a hope that we can find a way to make the things that we love touch someone else in some small special way. I want to send everyone a warm hug from many miles away, and tell each and every one: THANK YOU. Thank you so much.
I’m gonna giving myself a mulligan. Let’s try this again next week. Or in another week. Let me dust myself off and get back to you, okay? Time heals everything, and gives you new perspective. I’m looking forward to that.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.