A Hard-Boiled Man
This is notorious 1920s and 30s New York gangster Arthur Flegenheimer, aka “Dutch Schultz.” When his own men decided he was too much of a liability, they order a hit on him and his gang, and shot him in the heart, in the restroom room of a local restaurant. He dragged himself to the nearest table and asked for an ambulance. While he waited for medical help, surrounded by policemen, Schultz remained alive for 22 hours….and spoke the most random, stream-of-consciousness medley of strangeness I have ever read. And luckily for us, they documented the entire thing.
As only a small example, here is a bit of the documented questioning…
- Police: Who shot you?
- Schultz: I don’t know. I didn’t even get a look. I don’t know who can have done it. Anybody. Kindly take my shoes off. (He was told that they were off.) No. There is a handcuff on them. The Baron says these things. I know what I am doing here with my collection of papers. It isn’t worth a nickel to two guys like you or me but to a collector it is worth a fortune. It is priceless. I am going to turn it over to… Turn you back to me, please Henry. I am so sick now. The police are getting many complaints. Look out. I want that G-note. Look out for Jimmy Valentine for he is an old pal of mine. Come on, come on, Jim. Ok, ok, I am all through. Can’t do another thing. Look out mamma, look out for her. You can’t beat him. Police, mamma, Helen, mother, please take me out. I will settle the indictment. Come on, open the soap duckets. The chimney sweeps. Talk to the sword. Shut up, you got a big mouth! Please help me up, Henry. Max, come over here. French-Canadian bean soup. I want to pay. Let them leave me alone.
Annnnnd, that’s only the very LAST words he said.
So, for some reason, I was fascinated by his lunatic rantings. As are many people, apparently. Dustin Hoffman played him in Billy Bathgate, Tim Roth played him in Hoodlum. William S. Burroughs wrote a novel about his last words. And not that I’d like to glorify mobsters, but I think that lifestyle is so…unusual. I won’t wax philosophic about peoples’ fascination (myself included) with movies like Scarface and Goodfellas and shows like The Sopranos. I’m not so much fascinated in glorifying grisly gangsters. But my interest in gangster movies–It’s sort of a guilty pleasure.
And I DO find insanity a bit fascinating! And the fact that it was documented is even more impressive…
So, this is my portrait of Dutch Schultz, for what it’s worth. Because nobody’d be afraid of a gangster named “Arthur Flegenheimer.”
Painting The Pipes
Just before last winter, when we lived in Alaska, I was lucky enough to be chosen as one of the artists in Fairbanks’ Paint the Pipes project that my friend from Chartreuse told me about. Essentially, in the hopes of beautifying Fairbanks, artists were selected to paint designs on the vent pipes downtown. I did two designs, but my design called “Dreaming” was the one that was selected. (Personally, I think the tangled ravens could’ve looked pretty cool, but I get why it might be a little…less upbeat.)
When I first moved to Alaska, I was overwhelmed by a sense of isolation. I didn’t know many people, I had a young child, and my husband was scheduled to deploy. A counselor once told me about an artist, a woman who moved to Alaska during the Gold Rush, and painted to comfort herself, and had written a book about it. The book didn’t necessarily comfort me, as much as remind me that this “adjustment period” in Alaska will pass. And it did! Soon I met some of the very best friends I’ve ever had at a duty station. But I thought of the native babies that grew up in those harsh conditions, and how they not only survived, but thrived. Being relegated to the indoors for a good chunk of the year, I often wondered what they dreamt about, or what they did to pass the time. I thought of however rough the conditions, you always have your mind, your creativity, to take you other places.
So “Dreaming” it was. I was very very sick when I began painting my steam pipe, and winter was coming….so I had very little time to work on it. On top of that, one of the developers of the program set up a time-lapse camera to document my progress on the pipe, which I didn’t mind, but it sure was intimidating. I often thought, “I’d better move around and finish this up quickly, or it’s going to be one heck of a boring time-lapse.”
I did the majority of the painting the first day, probably in about 3 or 4 hours.
Then I was able to come back another day (still sick, sadly) and paint some more detail. Probably another 4 hours or so.
And finally: COMPLETE!
I was so excited to see it in the wintertime, that I drove out to take a picture after the snow had fallen. But to my surprise, CHUNKS HAD FALLEN OFF. The city had primed the pipes, but since mine was a steam outtake pipe, it was warm, so mine was the only one that cracked. They had never tested the primer in winter, I guess.
If you’ve ever read Vonnegut’s “Bluebeard,” (one of my favorites), you can appreciate the irony.
Luckily, the bottom part seems to have kept fairly stable. They asked if I’d be willing to come back & repair it, but sadly, we moved just before summer. I hope it stays together for awhile, or at least until someone can repair it. I won’t even speculate as to the symbolism….and I hope passing tourists do the same!
DIY Customized Helmets
When I was in derby, my desire to customize pretty much everything I own found a nice snuggly spot in helmets. Derby girls often decorate their helmets in all kinds of awesome stickers and artwork, so I started making custom helmets for the ladies (and dudes) on my team. My favorite (and the quickest) way to decorate helmets is with paint pens, which you can get at any craft or art store. Get lots of them, because they run out of paint quickly, and sometimes you get duds that don’t work well. Thick point is best–fine-lines pens will take FOREVER. But don’t get those ones with the mega-marker tips, or you won’t be able to get ANY detail in there.
First off, if you’re working with an older helmet, clean off any dirt or residue from the helmet. No sticker goo. Rubbing alcohol works well for this. New helmet, no problem, just wipe it down a little and get started. Glossy helmets work best. You can paint on a matte helmet, just be warned that when you spray it with sealant at the final step, it will most likely turn a little glossy, so if you’ve got your heart set on a matte-looking helmet, you can choose to leave off the final spray…it’ll just not stay on as long and probably need some touch-ups. I usually like to print references to look at while I work, and doodle it on freehand. Sometimes I’ll find a fancy font and print out what I want, and then freehand it using the printout as a reference.
I’ve done lots of helmets this way, using simple color combos, varying shades of paint pens. Sometimes when they get older, pen paint changes color a little, and you can get two shades of the same color (as in the celtic clover above). Often, the person I’m doing it for will give me a rough idea of what they have in mind, but usually they just let me go crazy with ’em. Since skate helmets are around $35, and you have to replace them now & then, it allows players to have options in the helmets they wear. Some will wear certain ones to practice and others to bouts, etc.
If you mess up while you’re painting with the paint pens, you might be able to salvage it with a paper towel soaked in rubbing alcohol. Usually, it’ll wipe away oil-based paint pens pretty easily, and allow you to correct your mistake.
I usually put the players’ name on the right side of the helmet (facing the crowd, in a bout), and the fun design on the left, facing in. Sometimes I’ll put the number on there somewhere (back or side). Some ladies prefer the numbers off….not that it has anything to do with being less visible to the refs or anything. 🙂
I’ve also handpainted a few helmets, although this requires MUCH more work. I use acrylic paints for them, and go to town. Handpainting allows for much more detail and artistic license, but honestly, is a little too “fine” for derby, which can really bang up a helmet.
Whether you handpaint a helmet or use paint pens, your best bet for durability is to finish it with SEVERAL coats of acrylic gloss varnish, which you can get anywhere that sells spray paint. It’s a clear gloss spray that “seals” the helmet in a coat of varnish to protect it. Be warned: I have had some problems with spray paint underpainting or acrylic handpainting warping and bubbling with some sprays, and I’ve never found a rhyme or reason why (never had a problem spraying over paint pens, though). After you’ve sprayed your helmet evenly and completely, let it dry, then spray it again….and again…and again. Hopefully, that’ll be enough to protect it through at least one bout! But hey–they look good all scratched up, too…. 🙂
Marble Game Boards
My family plays marbles. Not the “sit around a circle flicking marbles at eachother” 1950s marbles. This game is more like the game “Sorry,” and my family has played it for as long as I can remember. It originated from my dad’s side, with my Grandma Betty. Every visit would always involve a slew of marble games that would feature a variety of things: My grandma punching whoever was closest to her for knocking her marble off, holding a lighter under her die to put it in the “hot seat” if it didn’t roll a 1 or a 6, someone getting pinch bruises, and my grandma yelling, “You’re getting my Irish up!!!” My best memories of my grandma are always somehow tied to marbles.
The game involves each of 4 players having 4 marbles. You team up with the person opposite the board from you. You must roll a 1 or a 6 to get a marble out of your start point, and keep rolling. You must get all of your marbles around the board and into your home row, and then you can roll and play for your partner. First team with each player’s 4 marbles home wins. If you land on another marble, you can send them home. Marbles has fierce suspicions…some people have “lucky” dice, and will only play with them. If your die start “listening” to another player’s chants, it’s time to get new dice. For that matter, if you “chant” numbers at another person’s dice (to avoid them getting the number you want), sometimes it works. No one else should touch your dice, or they’ll start “listening” to them. Unspoken rule: “First one out, last one home.” The fun part: your win is NEVER guaranteed. Just because you think you’re winning, the game could change it all and give the other team the advantage. Our family gets LOUD with it. We play wild, we yell, we laugh, we get aggressive. It’s fun.
The first marble board I remember at my Grandma Betty’s house was very plain. Apparently my grandpa had made it, and they’d had it forever. It had years worth of marble playing on it, and it was awesome. Several years ago, my father made a few plain ones to keep back home. I don’t remember if he asked me, or if I sort of took over, but I painted some as gifts–an ornate garden one for my mother, a maze with trompe l’oeil butterflies for me, a lizard one for my sister, and an Egyptian one for my dad. The idea was to make each corner (for each player) be a strong, cool character that each person would want to play.
Since then, not only have we spread marbles around to friends we’ve known (who always fall in love with the game), but I’ve made several as gifts over the years. I have a Harry Potter one for my husband, and a Monty Python one for myself. The one at the beginning of this post was for a friend as a reminder of our time in Alaska.
The great thing is, when we’re not using them, we hang them in L-brackets on the wall, and they make cool and interesting pieces. I don’t remember ever getting to make a personalized one for my Grandma Betty, but somehow I think she enjoyed the plain, well-worn family board more than any I could have made her…
Duty Station Lovin’
I’m an army brat. I grew up around the army. Later, I did about 4 years in the army, where I met my husband. I am army wife. Now I’m an army mom. I’ve been all over the place with my family, and wanted a way to show all the places we’ve been. For years, I’ve seen the plaques with pendant boards hanging down, listing each duty station (like this), but I wanted to see if I could do something a little different.
My husband & I met when we were both stationed in Hawaii. We got married there, and when I got out, I worked as a photo editor/graphic artist for King Digital in Honolulu. The photo paper they used came on these large thick cardboard “toilet paper roll” tubes, which they sent out for recycling. Before we PCSd, I was able to get a few of them to take with me. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with them at the time, but they were calling my name. They looked REALLY fun to paint on.
I decided to make each tube a sort of painted collage of the things we had done at each duty station, the things we remembered most about it. My husband and I have fun trying to choose what will go on each tube. I started with one for Oklahoma (where I was born) and one for Ohio (where he’s from).
We’ve got a good collection going! Only now….I can’t seem to find the “toilet paper roll” tubes anymore! I’ve run out! I have a couple of smaller ones, but none like these. I was even the crazy lady, asking for them at Wal-Mart’s photo lab. I can’t seem to find any anywhere!
So I’m going to keep looking. I’m running behind, though, since I try to do one after we leave each duty station. We left Alaska several months ago…so we’re due for a new tube! In the meantime, share your stories! If you’re a family that moves around a lot, is there a special way you commemorate your duty stations, or the places you’ve lived? Do you frame a photo? Make a list of license plates? I’d love to hear your ideas!
I am Arthur!
My mother once found hand painted wooden jingle figures in the Czech Republic that were absolutely BEAUTIFUL. Years later, when I tried to find my own blank ones, all I could find were blanks of the Russian stacking dolls (which are also fun to paint, by the way). But these don’t open, and when you shake them, they JINGLE!!
After days of calling several Russian art dealers (never mind the difficulty of explaining what they WERE), I finally found someone I could buy a few from. I thought they’d be fun to do portrait orders on at local craft shows. Well, the time put into them was more than a craft show crowd was willing to pay, and the idea just fizzled.
So now I do my own things with them! This is King Arthur, King of all Britons, and his faithful sidekick, Patsy.
I’ve done Santas, animals, wookies and celebrities, but these guys are my favorite. If you’re not up to the task of going through the trouble of calling all over the world to find jingle dolls, there are nice alternatives at your local craft store–little paper mâché eggs, pressed cardboard shapes and wooden boxes. You could draw on them, paint, even mod podge little printed photos of family and paint on top if you’re feeling crafty. They make great gifts!
busy mockingbird 