Yes, I love bugs.  Insects.  Beetles.  Whatever.

Well, mainly, I really love the IDEA of bugs, and I love LOOKING at bugs.  (It’s a whole other story when they’re actually touching me.)  I don’t like squished bugs, but sometimes if they’re all dried up and pretty, I love looking at dead bugs.  I have a few I’ve collected here and there, that I’ve hung up on the walls of our house for the past ten or so years.  By “collected,” I don’t mean I’ve gone out & hunted them down myself–I mean that I either found them, bought them, or was given them by friends.

One day, while helping our daughter get ready for bedtime, my eyes tripped over a rhino beetle we had hanging in our bathroom.  It had been there for YEARS (in different houses, but in roughly the same spot), so long that it just sort of blended into the scenery of everyday life, overlooked.  But this time, a strange and very intense thought occurred to me, and it did so with a very loud voice:  “I wonder if I could paint on its wings?”

Then I wondered, if beetles could customize their wings with painted “tattoos,” what would they get?  Beetles often fight, so maybe they would be aggressive battle scenes with intimidating imagery.  But not the typically intimidating human skulls, since beetles lack an internal skeleton and therefore it wouldn’t mean the same to them.  Perhaps instead of a skull and crossbones, they’d have two sticks and some decayed leaves around them?   Maybe a Japanese fighting beetle would have ornate scenes of fighting beetles emblazoned on their backs, or a fear-inspiring giant sole of a boot, since their main natural predator might be our own feet trampling down on them.  Maybe there would be peaceful, hippie-tattooed beetles.  Or images of their larvae with birth dates.  Or a portrait of  “mom.” And what on earth would a DUNG beetle get?

Yes, these are the kind of thoughts that sometimes go through my head while staring at the shell of a beetle and getting our daughter ready for bed.

So, like most ideas I have, once they’re in my head, they won’t go away until I do it.  So I did.  At my husband’s suggestion, I drew a preliminary sketch.  I don’t always like to do this–I often like to just wing it (haha, see what I did there?).  But this time (like most times) he was right.

Apparently, this beetle had been sprayed with a kind of varnish (because I bought it at a store and of COURSE they sprayed it to preserve it), so it was a little like painting on plastic.  I used acrylic paints, and took my time going over and over and over it, layer after layer, since the paint had a habit of beading up.

But with each new layer, the image started coming together, and the basic layout was falling into place.

Thankfully, the wing shells were pretty sturdy, and although they had the slightest give, they didn’t really move much.  Since I am impatient, I tried using thicker blobs of paint to cut back on the amount of layers I’d need to repaint, but I still needed to go over and over it again and again to bet the basic underpainting.  Once that was dry, I could go back and add the little details and shading and fine-tune the whole thing.

And here it is:  the final beetle!  I really REALLY wanted to put a skull on his head, but that didn’t make sense, so I put a tiny leaf that ended up looking a bit like a snowflake from a distance.  Still, I like the little “skeleton beetle skull with crossed sticks” (instead of a skull & crossbones) on the inside of his back.  And instead of “bad to the bone…”  Well, you know.  Because beetles don’t have bones, right?

So I had SO much fun with that, that I immediately looked around the house for more insects I could vandalize.  Some of my nicer ones are contained completely inside wooden frames and sealed plexiglass, which makes breaking into them nearly impossible (probably for the best), but I was able to accost one of my dragonflies.

So what would a dragonfly get?  There are so many different styles of tattoos!  This one is a tribal-style dragon on dragonfly wings…

Those wings were hard to paint, by the way.  I was hoping for more detail, but this guy died about 14 years ago, and is really fragile.  Plus, dragonfly wings, with all those little cells, are almost like tiny little tissue-thin accordions.  Keeping a straight line was pretty difficult.

And the last one was this brittle old moth.  (The light one, not the dark one who just happens to be glued next to him.)  I gave this guy old-school flames, because of the ol’ “like a moth to the flame” standard, and because moths love light, right?  So he’d probably tattoo some daring flames on his wings to show off his bravery at dancing close to danger.  Or something.    Anyway, they didn’t turn out as detailed as I had envisioned either, because moth wings are fuzzy, and it’s like painting on a tiny little carpet.

So there are my painted insects.  I immediately went on Amazon and ordered a few more beetles to paint on, but apparently I didn’t notice they’re shipping from THAILAND and will be here in like three years.  Or two months.  Either way:  a long, long time.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear your ideas:  with all the different styles and influences, what do you think different types of insects would get if they could customize their wings?