Working Artists
A couple of weeks ago, I talked about how Myla wanted to be a “real artist” and make people happy with artwork. Although I assured her that she already WAS a “real artist,” we took on ten commissions, and I thought I’d post on how they were going.
First off, I start by drawing a head from the pictures that were sent. I keep it pretty straightforward, and try to keep it fairly simple. Next, when she’s looking for a fun project to work on, I’ll ask if she’d like to start on some of the custom portraits…two words she had previously not known, but is now quite familiar with.
From the emails the client sent, I would tell her a little about the person. “they call him a wiggle-worm, they love garden scenes, and his favorite toy is rainbow-colored.” So she drew the little baby as a rainbow-colored caterpillar, watering his garden, with an ant peeking in on him…
Or: “they call her ‘Princess Batman,” and her favorite animal is a fox.” She drew the girl as a fox with bat-wings and a crown, carrying a space helmet in her hand. Maybe a little literal, but fun nonetheless…
Or: “He had a pirate wedding, and he loves Star Wars and space.” So she drew him as a space pirate, with a light saber and Solo’s blaster, in a great battle with an alien on Jupiter, who’s chucking knives at him…
And there was this one, who loved magical creatures, like unicorns, mermaids, and whales…so she drew her as a whale-hugging merm-i-corn. (That’s a word, right?) If you look carefully, you’ll notice her torso is actually made of unicorn hair…because she wanted to make sure the unicorn had a bit of the spotlight, as well…
With this one, I said, “she loves magical things, like fairies and moths, and she collects coffee cups.” …So she drew her as a luna moth fairy–with teensy weensy itty bitty coffee cups in her hand, and decorating her hair…
Thankfully, so many people were up for letting us use our creativity, and being open to whatever came out. Myla LOVED the “portrait assignments.” She loved having a little prompt. And having someone list an idea of what they have in mind for their portrait has actually become a GOOD exercise for her in limitations.
She really loves to tell little stories with her drawings, (as with the space pirate above, and the gnome fairy below), but I have to remind her that they still want it to be a portrait of someone they love, so maybe hold back a smidge of the wildness a little, so that everyone’s happy.
At first, it feels like I’m limiting her creativity, which is something I was very wary of, and worried about early on…But actually, I’m finding it to be a very GOOD practice for her–to be able to work on something for someone else within certain parameters and still have fun with it. I think this is something that will come in handy in whatever job field she chooses, and is especially helpful if she chooses to be a working artist.
It feels like she’s kind of like a pinball in a pinball machine–she gets to bounce around a bit, but she still has a basic path. And that’s good.
So we’re waiting to finish the last three…in the meantime, we may have more in the future; I’ll be sure to post if we do! I don’t want to overwhelm her. I have asked her every step of the way if it’s fun…if it’s a challenge…if it’s something she enjoys…and so far, it’s been a resounding yes. She is six going on 36, and she is excited to be making people smile. She wants to do lots of things, and she wants to make people happy with her art.
For now, I guess I’m pretty okay with that. 🙂
Crazy Doll Lady
It’s been awhile since I posted about playing with dolls…
Back then, I was customizing a Blythe and some Monster High dolls, along with “tattooing” some blank bodies that my friend Aletta (from theFoxyToyBox) let me play with.
(So I’m not sure if I’ve ever shared all the doll customs I played around with. I feel like I’ve shared them before, but a rudimentary search shows only my initial post. Considering I’ve been doing this blog a few years now, I don’t THINK I’m repeating…I try REEALLY hard not to repeat. (But if I do, in fact, repeat, please just consider it an old friend coming to say hello again…)…)
Awhile back, my friend Aletta sent these old used dolls for me to play with, and I took the opportunity to repaint them using all the skillful skills I learned from the magical world of Pinterest.
If you want to paint on Monster High dolls, trust me–I’m not the best one to learn from, because there are people who are WAY better pro at it than me. But I wiped off their paint with nail polish remover (I describe my wonky process here), painted in acrylics, and sealed with with Testors spray varnish to protect the plastic without leaving it sticky. And OMGosh they were so much fun.
I got little wigs in Etsy shops, because I am weird like that. And because they’re GORGEOUS. You pretty much just cut off their store-hair and glue on the lovely wigs, and BOOM–magic.
Ages ago, I bought a Bigfoot Monster High doll to repaint (because I couldn’t pass up those HUGE feet and hairy legs). I repainted her, paying lots of detail to that hair, and found a wig that matched her perfectly. I even contacted the wigmaker on etsy, asking if she could send a little extra scrap fur to put around her, which she kindly did. So here she is, with her little mini skirt of hair:
I tried to put her in that bigfoot hunched pose from “real” Bigfoot photos, but Monster High dolls are a little too poised to hunch. But lookit that fantastic leg stubble! Hahah
Even one doll (which Myla asked me to keep unpainted) was missing an arm, and she asked if I could build her one (because I can apparently do anything). I asked if it could be a robot arm, and she said, “of COURSE!” So a few electronic bits later, and I was able to hot-glue a fairly decent “robotic” appendage, which Myla was VERY happy with.
What’s funny, is that my occasional interest in repainting dolls has inspired our 6-year old to attempt to get me to buy her new Monster High dolls. “MOM! Can we please get it if I promise to PAINT it???” Usually our rule is that if I let her get something, she can pick a PROJECT, not just a toy. Which is why she tries, at times, to get me to buy new dolls. It’s tempting, really, considering our thrift stores here don’t HAVE any used ones, and holy cow, one time I saw a LUNA MOTH Monster High doll that even I wanted to repaint!! But I have to use restraint–they’re expensive after awhile, and we can’t just go buy toys for no reason (at least not once you become a parent) so I don’t really allow it.
But they ARE fun….
Anyway, I’ll share more of how our custom collaborations are going next week–Myla is having lots of fun with them! For now, have a great rest of the week! 🙂
Custom Collaborations!?
If you’ve follow this blog for awhile, you may already be familiar with the collaborations Myla and I did when she was four…
Back then, lots of people asked if we’d do custom collaborations–where maybe they could send photos for me to draw from, and have Myla draw the bodies. LOTS. of. people. I mean, TONS of people. I mean, so many that it was overwhelming.
I always said no. I wasn’t trying to be rude or elitist, but the most important thing to me was that our daughter have FUN drawing. I didn’t want it to be a JOB at age four. I was so overwhelmed with requests that it would’ve been impossible to have her do them at age four and still make it fun…especially since people asked for specifics: a bird, a donkey, a bear. Can you imagine making a 4 year old sit down and do custom orders? While it sounds like it would’ve been nice, I assure you, it would’ve been impossible. And exhausting. And most importantly, it wouldn’t have been fun.
But now Myla is six, and wants to “be a grownup.” Despite my convincing her to stay a kid forever (because being a grownup stinks big time), she still wants to do big-kid things. One of those things, surprisingly, has involved the desire to do custom drawings.
When we ran the Kickstarter to print a book of our collected work (which you can get here, by the way) I offered as one reward level a hand drawn portrait (by me) onto a pre-printed drawing of Myla’s, which was my alternative solution, aside from trying to make her do them all by hand, and still allowed me to give people a portrait that would make them smile.
So she asked me the other day why I never let her do custom pieces…and I told her all of the above. She’s seen me do custom portraits for people, and didn’t realize I had never allowed it when she was younger.
“But I’m older now,” she said. “And I know I could do it.”
“The thing about custom work is that you have to draw what people WANT you to draw. And I always just wanted you to draw whatever made you happy.”
“But now I can do that. I can draw what people ask.”
“They might say they like turtles, and you might feel like drawing robots.”
“But I know I can do it. Now I want to make OTHER people happy.” (Which is funny, because that’s my favorite part of custom portraits, as well.) “So maybe if that happens, I could do a robot-turtle” (which sounds awesome, actually).
So there it is. That’s where we are.
I told her we’d try it. So here we go: I’m only starting with five, in my Etsy shop, so please have a look! For the first time ever! And not for very long. Once you purchase a portrait, you can send me reference photos for a single face, and maybe tell me something that person is into…and I’ll do my best to steer the kiddo in that direction for her part.
So If you’re up for an interesting portrait and you’ve got wiggle room for a 6-year old’s creativity, combined with my illustrations, we’d love to make you happy! 🙂
UPDATE: WOW those five sold out in the first ten minutes! I added five more, but that’s probably all I’ll add for now, until I see how she handles these. Maybe if she has fun with them, we’ll offer a few more. Thank you so much for all your support. 🙂
UPDATE UPDATE: Sold out! Sorry… If she enjoys doing these, we may offer them again sometime! Thanks!
Blast from the past: So cute!! Wonderful reader Laurie reminded me of one of the VERY few portraits we did when Myla was four, as a prize for a creative contest we ran on the blog ages ago. Here are the bluebirds Myla turned her and her daughter into:
Sick
This has been one fun past week, lemme tell ya.
First off, I should explain that I have some back condition called “ankylosing spondylitis.” It’s a really fun thing, because after 12 years of medications, injections, and infusions, no one can seem to figure out how to treat it. It’ll be fine for MONTHS and months, and then BOOM–pain and spasms so bad I can’t walk.
Last weekend, with a bit of a painful limp, I was determined to take Myla out & about. We drove to the Waco Zoo, but by the time I got there, I could barely walk, and decided it’d be easier to push around in one of the courtesy wheelchairs. We looked a mess: Me, with Myla on my lap at times, rolling around to all the exhibits. I got out on the uphill slopes and slowly limped my way up, pushing Myla in the chair. When I was feeling wobbly, Myla would offer me her shoulder to hold onto for balance. “Just hold my shoulder, Mom.” Several of the exhibits were closed because it was actually COLD in Texas for once, but we made the best of it, and had a good time anyway.
EXCEPT that by the time we got home, I had spasms so bad I was in tears and could barely walk. Thank goodness my mom was 8 hours away, and was able to drive down and help take care of us (Thanks, Mom!). After many appointments, much medication and rest, I’m pretty much back to my normal level of constant discomfort.
So THIS weekend, Myla built a backpack fairy machine. Like you do. It was made out of a cardboard box, a milk jug, and lots of duct tape.
And then she came right inside, spiked a fever of 101, and wanted to go to bed.
So we’ve spent this long weekend at home, pretty much on the couch, bringing down a fever and binge-watching kid’s movies.
At some point this weekend, she drew this picture of me, with a cane and a thermometer, taking care of her, sick in bed. I sent my husband the picture (he’s deployed), and he noticed, “she sees you’re in pain, but that you’re still taking care of her.” Which was awesome, because that’s exactly the way it was. (And at least she drew me with a smile, instead of wincing in pain).
Having a sick kid does not always mean they’re just asleep on the couch–she really tried very hard to entertain herself with paper projects, mostly related to whatever movies we watched.
Despite fighting a fever and sucking on cough drops, she kept VERY busy with scissors, paper, and tape. ALL WEEKEND.
It’s actually a little hard to keep up with–she built an entire petting zoo (complete with pteranadons, ducks, and baby otters) out of paper and tape. And after we watched the newest Goosebumps movie (admittedly an odd choice for her), she started making books with latches, and the creatures that come out of them….like this floating demon-poodle:
In any case, we’re nearly back to normal! Just trying to get back on our feet…in some ways, literally. That whole thing about taking care of yourself so you can take care of others? That stuff’s true. In my attempt to care for Myla and get out to the zoo for something to do, I ignored my own pain and injured myself further, when I should’ve just taken it easy. I’m not a “take it easy” kind of person, so that’s pretty hard for me to do.
I could take a lesson from Myla, though (as I often do), by just accepting it, relaxing, and making the most of it with art projects. On the couch binge-watching movies if I have to. It’s often hard for me to tell when “pushing it” will help or hurt (especially with the “push through the pain” army mentality I’ve got ingrained in me). In any case, we’re finally on the mend now! So we’re going to take it a little easy this week…which is going to be better for us in the long run, I’m sure.
So from us to you, take care of yourselves!
Imaginary Monsters
“Mom, are mermaids real?” Well, no one’s ever really seen proof of a mermaid. “But they COULD be real.” I suppose they could, but so far nobody has found proof, so we can’t say for sure. “Well they’re real, I know they are. Oceans are deep, maybe they just haven’t found any proof yet.” …Okay.
Myla is six, and believes in EVERYTHING. I know this because she told me so. “All that stuff that’s not real–I believe in it.” She doesn’t have any interest in the burden of proof. If she wants to, she just believes. She CHOOSES to. And who am I to tell her she’s right or wrong?
I read a statistic from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Association that the ocean “covers 71 percent of the Earth’s surface and contains 97 percent of the planet’s water, yet more than 95 percent of the underwater world remains unexplored.” Can you IMAGINE? 97 percent of the oceans on our earth are UNEXPLORED! In our people-filled world, it seems odd to think of places of the world humans haven’t touched, but with stats like that, it’s absolutely, 100 percent possible.
So Myla believes in everything. We once built a little gnome house, and found tiny muddy footprints from the yard (I may or may not admit to being responsible for those).
My favorite thing to do with Myla is to take walks through the woods. When I was younger and my dad was stationed in Germany, my family always took long walks through the woods. My dad would bring dental floss and build gnome bridges with twigs across little streams. My sister and I would pretend we could see gnome houses in the knots in the trees, and we’d have stick-sword fights. I have lots of wonderful memories from inside the forest.
So on the first day of the new year, I took Myla on a hike. She found a muddy footprint. “It’s proof! A yeti was here!” Hm. I don’t know, there’s a dog paw print next to it… “Nope, it’s a yeti. Maybe he has a dog that’s a friend.” Okay.
(She also believes she can fly…but only for very short moments, when she jumps from one place to another.)
There were broken twigs on the ground. Fairy bones! And broken rocks, which everyone knows that forest creatures eat. We obviously were treading on what once was the site of a huge fairy battle.
We passed some people going off on a hike of their own. “Hi there! We found yeti footprints!” Myla shouted to them. Smiling politely, they scurried awkwardly away. This did not phase my girl in the slightest.
When we got home, I was looking at some of the photos I took on our walk, and printed some of them. Looking closely, I decided to draw in and paint an imaginary monster onto this one of a stream crossing–because even though he didn’t show up in pictures, I’m almost certain he was there.
There was another of her looking at the forest in a clearing, and I was sure this creature was there, too.
I went back and looked at some of the photos we took over break, from the woods near where my grandma used to live.
They were there, too. I just needed to paint them in.
I’ve always been one for proof and logic, which is why it’s so wonderful to see her believe whatever she wants, to see through her imagination. She’s not an infant, I’m sure somewhere she doesn’t REALLY think they exist…but none of that matters to her. It’s more FUN for her to believe. The world is more beautiful and interesting that way. She chooses to believe them, so they are.
We’ve had extensive conversation about gnomes and dwarves, fairies and mermaids, the loch ness monster…and god. My answer to all of these when she asks, is that if you truly believe in them, no one can tell you it’s wrong. No one should make you feel bad for what you believe in, even if it’s completely different than what they believe. And if someone believes differently than you do, that’s okay too. There’s no need to argue about it. There’s no need to pressure them to believe what you believe. Someone believing differently doesn’t threaten your own belief, so there’s no need to disagree. You believe what you believe, and no one can take that away.
Flat Myla
My husband’s in the Army, deployed a billion miles away. Deployments are not easy for anyone, to be sure.
About halfway through my husband’s last deployment, my dentist told me of the stuffed animal her daughter gave her husband on his deployment, and how he took photos with it everywhere. It reminded me of those Flat Stanley paper dolls kids send to family & friends to take with them on their travels. I liked that. So I made my husband a Flat Myla.
To his credit, my sweetheart took her everywhere in his cargo pocket. He took her for pizza and for dinner at the chow hall.
He took her for coffee at Green Beans, to work with him, and out for pie. She used to laugh at the photos…they cracked her up.
He even took her flying, on bus rides, and showed her his tents and some of the sweeter sides of Afghanistan.
This deployment, I thought he needed another updated one…so I just now sent him a new Flat Myla (she designed her own Pokemon shirt).
The older one sits now, retired, in a glass frame on our fireplace, worn from the wear and tear. This new one is triple laminated, which (hopefully) will help her last a little longer. He says he’s looking forward to getting her in the mail, because it’ll give him an excuse to get out and visit places and take pictures with her. That makes me smile.
He’s gone for awhile. Through Christmas and through the holidays. Through our 14th anniversary, through our birthdays. We’ve done it before–it’s a bit hard, but it’s okay. We used to joke that he ASKED for a deployment when Myla was a year old specifically to miss her “Terrible Twos” (which were TERRIBLE, by the way, in Alaska with 8 months of dark winter, 24 hour summer, and then her 2-year molars)!
Now, Myla is older, and she’s always such a sweetheart to handle. I can’t wait to put all her Flat Myla pictures in a book to show her how much her dad was thinking of her while he was gone. It’s special, for sure. Myla’s a good army kid–she takes things as they are. She focuses on the moment, because she’s six. But from time to time, she’ll miss something that Dad does, and get a little bummed. But she always thinks of him when she draws pictures or talks about our family. She really is a pretty great kid.
And then I was thinking–the world has a way of telling me to keep my chin up and not focus on my own little world. Today I went to the post office, and just in that short time, feeling a little blue myself, I stood next to an older man struggling to write an address label because his hands were shaky. I helped him write it out, and he told me how much harder little things like that have gotten now that he’s gotten older. I heard a woman say her daughter was in the Middle East for the first time ever, and she hadn’t filled out a customs form before. A woman who lost her phone (and then found it) said, “my husband just passed away and all my recent photos are on it.” People are going through things, all around you.
So no time to feel sad or mopey. Everyone has issues. Everyone’s going through their own things. You can let it swallow you up, or you can focus on the good things.
So it’s time to focus on what we do have. We have each other, even if a million miles away. You can share kindness with a stranger, just with a smile, or by holding a door open. My favorite part about the holidays is how for a moment, it seems that sometimes people turn up the charm a bit, turn up the kindness, and it spreads a little. It’s a great thing to see. But we can do that all the time!
Have you ever read the “Pout-Pout Fish“? How he “spreads his dreary-wearies all over the place”? Well, it works the other way, too. This past week, Myla and I brought the crossguards at school hot chocolate in the morning–Just two cups of SwissMiss, and they were so grateful that it lasted the whole day–one even made a point to give Myla a hug later in the day and tell her how good it made her feel. That stuff SPREADS, you guys. Even the kid knows that.
The bad things ALWAYS shout louder than the good. The good is harder to find, but you can if you look, and if you focus just on that. It doesn’t always happen right away–it’s an active effort. You have to spread it around to balance it out, and then it spreads to others. They don’t even have to know it was you. A smile. A piece of trash thrown away. A held-open door. A little something to make someone’s day better.
A little kindness. A little understanding. A little COMPASSION. Regardless of your beliefs, of your politics. All year round, every day.
As for the husband, I hope he gets to take lots of fun trips with the new Flat Myla, and take her on cool adventures, and spread a few little smiles around, from across the globe!
(We love & miss you , Babe!)
Inkin’ it Up Together
Kid time is the BEST time for messes…
And putting pink in your hair if you want to (like Myla asked to do when she was 3 or 4).
And drawing on yourself! Sadly, Myla’s school doesn’t allow for crazy hair color and excessive temporary tattoos (weird, huh?). So summertime was a GREAT time to do all that. And even best is when everyone else gets involved, too. At our house, family visits usually mean the markers come out at some point, and Myla offers everyone some “ink.”
I’ve always loved how well our whole family (on Matt’s side and on mine) have always been so cooperative about getting all markered up. This last visit, she got her cousin involved, and they even made a “menu” (unlike the old days, when she used to just draw whatever she wanted on you).
Hardly anyone escapes the ink sessions…
It always reminds me of how ages ago, Myla & I had tried printing some of our own designs on tattoo paper….
So recently, when a sister-run company called Inky & Bear asked me if I’d like to try out some of their beautifully hand-illustrated temporary tattoos, I said “HECK YEAH!” When our Inky & Bear tattoos came, we had a blast figuring out where to put them on. Myla chose a lovely little mermaid, and a sweet lil’ narwhal for her arms.
And, like with most things, Myla always has a great way to kick it up a notch. This time, by asking me to draw all sorts of sea creatures on her to go along with the nautical theme. I doodled them out in ballpoint and she even added a little creature on her own hand.
So after a little ballpoint pen and a bit of pipsqueak Crayola markers, I had a pretty decorative, temporary-tattooed, inked-up kid!
She added onto my already-existing real tattoos (and an Inky & Bear mermaid), with a little dancing Donkey doodle. (Do you know the story of Donkey?)
So there it is!
Messes are temporary. So are marker doodles and temporary tattoos. But they make for great memories when you actually let yourself join in!
If you want to print your own tattoos, try this tattoo printer paper, or go check out all the wonderfully painted temporary tattoos at Inky & Bear!
Angsty Disclaimer: Everytime I do a post about drawing on yourself, I get comments asking if I’m worried about the toxicity and danger of inks soaking into skin. My response to that is that if you’re worried about it, don’t do it. As for me, I’m not going to leave them on me or my daughter’s skin for very long, so it’s fine. Artist Jodi Steel draws amazing drawings on herself and her friends with Sharpie Markers, and washes it off with coconut oil (and then gets a lot of nasty comments by people telling her she’s poisoning her OWN skin). It’s temporary. It washes off. And ultimately, it’s not your skin, right?. In my opinion, there is just as much danger of chemicals eating non-organic fruit or junk food–all fine in moderation. But if it doesn’t sound right for you, don’t do it. Go get some nontoxic facepaints and try doing the same thing, except with paints! So take a deep breath, take it easy, get creative, and have a little messy fun!
Bad Crows
So the munchkin and I had an extremely rough day the other day, and it felt a little like this.
The constant juggle of too many screaming issues fighting for attention all at once, feathers flying, stormclouds brewing, and the discussion of too many things that were most likely beyond her concept. She’s at an age where she wants desperately to be a big kid (and sometimes I think she is) but with the added frustration of the fact that she still is a little kid, and is starting to question everything, challenge everything, argue with everything.
This is apparently normal. This is apparently something nearly all kids go through. Apparently, it will pass.
A friend once told me that you WANT them to have those skills when they’re older, but you want them to wait til they’re older to USE those skills, and you definitely don’t want them to use them on you! Totally true. Aren’t we the ones teaching her curiosity, standing up to perceived injustices, sticking up for the things she wants, and discovering and deciding her own truth for herself?
Hmf. Well, it’s all well and good, but respect and politeness are also mandatory if you want to have any sort of ability to communicate with people in the general population.
I tell her quite often that it’s part of our job to make sure she doesn’t turn into a stinky ol’ Veruca…
Goodness knows, it takes a LOT of work to grow a decent person. It sure would be a lot easier if we didn’t care!
In any case, it’s a raven-juggling sort of week. It’s a phase, I know. For the time being, someone has mind-swapped my sweet little baby kid with an angst-ridden, cranky teenager. I’m not ready for the teen years yet!!–I’d like my sweet little 6-year old back, please! 🙂
So I’m off to do projects, spend a little one-on-one time with her doing some of our favorite things, and hopefully not lose all my hair in frustration.
Parenting–whew!
Strong Will and Structure
So the monkey and I have been “off” for a few days. Every issue has been an argument, every request a struggle. This has resulted in fits and frustration, tears and tantrums. I won’t bore you with the details, and I don’t really need any advice or criticism about it–it’s a phase, I know it’ll pass, but in the meantime, it’s torturous. Of course, I’ve checked that something was not horribly horribly wrong, and by all accounts, I’m fairly certain I’ve ruled out anything major…I think it is just a matter of resisting structure, and avoiding conflict with other kids.
But since life is full of conflict and structure, I have started trying to implement that into our down time. The trick, I think, is to make it fun so it doesn’t SEEM like structure. So when I told her yesterday it was “project time,” she asked if we could glue macaroni noodles to paper.
Dang. I didn’t have any macaroni noodles, because no one in the whole house eats macaroni. But what I DID have was a big ol’ bag of kid-beads that a friend had given us. Sometimes, I give her a project to do and I go do something productive, like clean the kitchen, or sweep the floor. But this time, considering all the struggles we’ve been having, I thought it was important to do this project WITH her.
So it’s super easy: doodle something on some paper, and glue some random beads to it. Or macaroni. Or beans. Or Q-tips. Or leaves. Or cereal. Or grass. Or whatever random things you have around the house. It really doesn’t matter, because that part’s not at ALL important. The important thing is that I spend some time WITH her. Since she often goes into a project with an idea already of what she wants to do, she requested we turn them into ornaments, so each one has a little loop for a string to go through.
And it’s things like this that don’t take a lot of effort to do that really help me on the rough days. I don’t care what I made. I don’t care what it looks like. The fact that we did it together is what’s important. Spending actual time with her. Stopping to take a few pictures, but mostly listening to her and her ideas, and having fun WITH her instead of just giving her busy work to do. Instead of just tossing an ipad at her. Instead of just turning on the TV…
I am the mother of a strong-willed girl. Because of our collaborations, people sometimes applaud my mom-skills…but I’ll tell you a secret every mom should freely admit without fear: I don’t really know what I’m doing. I just do what feels right, even if it’s not my favorite option. I talk it over with my husband, and we figure out something that works. And you know what I’ve learned? NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THEY’RE DOING. And the very most important thing (especially when you’re a new mom) is to keep in mind that what works for my kid won’t always work for yours.
I’ve had lots of people give me parenting advice, and after it fails me, I get the feeling that they think I’ve “done it wrong.” And then I feel like I’ve done it wrong. But I’ve learned over time, that there is no “wrong.” You just try and try again, and hope that you stumble along something that works before you pull out all your hair. You can’t fault someone for trying, and you can’t give them the squinchy eye if what works for you didn’t work for them. Give them a pat on the back for their struggle, and help them come up with another idea…or at least offer them a spot on your couch, a sympathetic ear, or a playdate.
Sometimes, you look around and it seems like everyone else is doing this whole parenting thing better than you. I promise you, they’re not. I know I’m not. We’re just doing the best we can over here. That smiling, happy family photo? Of course that family is posting it–they’re SO blown away that they actually have a SINGLE documented moment that looks like a magazine photo!! (I like to picture those magazine people first thing in the morning after very little sleep, with tangled hair, and bags under their eyes. And maybe a headcold, too…not to be spiteful, but because you KNOW they have to have those days).
(For a bit of a giggle, by the way, I love looking at “It’s Like They Know Us” on Facebook, where they take stock photos of “perfect” families, comment on them, and hilarity ensues. PS: If you’re going on there, you’ve got to read the comments people write for each photo; they’re just as funny).
Parenting is rough stuff. It’s not always that smiling happy, ethereal moment that gets captured in photos of people happily tossing their well-behaved, angelic toddler in the air as they smile adoringly at them. It’s not always the wonderfully monastic and artistic mom, lovingly and patiently doing art projects with her compliant and easygoing daughter. Maybe you think it’s like that for me. Maybe you think it’s like that for other people. Maybe it makes you feel like you’re not doing the best you can. If it inspires you to be a better parent, great! If it makes you feel like all your efforts are for naught because you’ll never be magazine-perfect Martha Stewart Betty Crocker parents, that’s not good. Because I can bet you it’s not like that all the time for those people. Parenting is some messy stuff, full of snot and tears and crying and frustration (and that’s just ME).
So we’re struggling a bit this week. And in case you feel like you’re the only one struggling, I promise you, you’re not alone. Maybe you worry you’re screwing them all up. Or that you’re making the wrong decisions. Or that your kid will grow up and become a jerk and it’s all your fault. I worry that ALL. THE. TIME. But as my mom told me, “the fact that you’re worrying about it means you’re doing alright.”
So good luck, grownups. Stay strong. You’re doing the best you can. And so are we. (And maybe she’ll realize that when she’s in her 30s….)
Collaborating With a 6-Year Old
A few years have gone by since I collaborated with our then 4-year old… And on occasion, people will ask me if we could do more.
Sometimes we still do. It’s more of a casual thing. I’ll toss her a page and say, “here are a few heads if you feel like sketching,” usually when she’s bored or looking for something to do.
Sometimes they turn out okay, and I try new things with them, making little pendants or doodles. But mostly, it’s just a fun little pasttime.
On occasion, she still adds a body to a face I’ve done, and it turns out pretty well…
For the most part, though, to be honest: the main reason we don’t always collaborate is that she’s busy doing her own thing! She’s FIERCELY creative. She throws herself into her art desk and is consumed with scissors, staples, and tape, making all sorts of wonderful things–
Other times, she just draws.
Lately, she’s been obsessed with “writing books.” We can’t get enough little thin sketchbooks–she fills them up with complete stories–usually just directional things, like new creatures she invents for her Minecraft game, or the inner anatomical workings of the prehistoric wooly mammoth.
She mixes and matches her Lego minifigures, creating all kinds of new creatures. She makes “costumes” from construction paper, and spends hours inventing her own board games, like “Fishing for Genies,” and “DeerPeople Land” (it’s like Candyland…but with deer-people, obvs).
And from time to time, people ask us why we don’t do very many collaborations anymore. The simple answer is that we DO….but mostly, because you don’t always make art just for other people. You do it because you love it.
Sometimes, the things people ask us to do work out fairly well: we did this mural together at Crave Hair Lounge in Killeen, and it worked mainly because the owners gave us complete freedom to do what we wanted. But even then, it was intimidating to make sure it actually worked out on such a large scale.
I’m sure when our collaborations went viral when she was four, we could’ve been involved in a great deal of things. We were asked us to do custom portraits together, requesting certain animal bodies. People wanted us to write a book with a single main character, or wanted me to collaboratively write POETRY with her. I was asked if we could create new work for ads, for products, for magazine illustrations.
But can you imagine? Have you ever tried to get a 4-year old to do anything? It’s tricky. Now take that 4-year old, take their favorite thing to do, and make it a JOB. Tell them they HAVE to do that thing a certain way. Make them do it within a deadline, or re-do it if it’s not exactly what someone had in mind. Does that sound fun anymore? Maybe I missed some opportunities, but you know, I’d rather have done that than make her favorite thing become a horrible chore.
Instead, now that she’s older, and she’s developed her own style, I’ve found a different way to collaborate with her.
Now, I ask her to help me.
Often, my favorite thing to draw is her. Occasionally I do a series for myself I call “Stuff Myla Says,” where I illustrate the funny things she says. And sometimes, she’ll help me with them.
But one time, I was doing a portrait of my dad, and I was trying to find a way to artistically describe some of my best memories from my childhood. I couldn’t figure out how to tell the story of some of my favorite memories–playing in the woods, exploring castles, enjoying sci-fi, and building gnome bridges. Do I draw them out realistically? Do I draw them as a background?
She came over and asked me what I was doing. “I’m drawing me as a kid, with Papa. And I want to draw some of my favorite times with him…but I can’t figure out how to draw all my favorite childhood memories of him.”
“I’m a kid–maybe I could help!” She said. “You tell me, and I’ll draw it.” And we did. And it turned out SO MUCH better than I could’ve hoped for.
Lately, my favorite thing to draw is her. It’s fun to put her in new scenarios. And when I do, since she’s her own artist now, I like to ask her to “help” me. And the things she adds always turn out better than anything I could’ve come up with.
I once drew her from a photo I took of a funny face she made while she played an arcade game, and asked her for help with it. “I wanted to make it like you’re fighting monsters and robots.” “Oh, okay!” she said, and her imagination took off from there. She created this intricate story about these creatures releasing monsters from these eggs, and ones that weren’t good or bad, just “in the way,” and others who were “just trying to survive.”
I drew her as an imaginary astronaut, and asked if she’d like to add to it. She came up with an elaborate story about all kinds of aliens meeting up on the “deer people” planet…(apparently, that’s a thing, in her world)…
Sometimes, I need clarification on what she’s drawn, and she’s always happy to help me; sometimes telling me what colors things should be…but only if I ask. She’s not demanding about it at all, and will often say, “You can make them whatever color you like.”
And she always seems happy with the end result…
Another time, I started this drawing of her (from a photo of her in a simple eared hoodie), and turned her into a forest kid. “She looks kind of scared,” I said. What do you think she look so worried about?” She thought for a minute, then said, “forest monsters.” And we took turns back and forth drawing monsters, based off of what the other one said.
Once, I asked her “If you could be any creature, what would you be?” and she said (without hesitation), “A WINTER CENTAUR.” So I drew her as one, and she described to me the colors she imagined, and added all her little winter friends. “Don’t forget, mom: I should be all white, but with mud on my fur to blend in with the trees.”
Next, we did a spring centaur (mostly because I stink at proportions, and was trying new things). She drew her walking next to a deer-dragon, surrounded by baby deer-people (creatures she invented) making nests in her hair and snacking on grapes.
Another time I drew her riding a furry beast (think: Where The Wild Things Are), and she added all sorts of monster and bird friends, helping her along her imaginary journey.
I’ve held strongly to the idea that she draw whatever she likes. I love her creativity, and as a mom, the best I can do is allow her the room to be herself, in any capacity, being sure to gently nudge her on a safe path along the way, or steer her aside if she starts to venture down a dark road. But mostly, allowing her to be herself, allowing her to be her OWN artist and ASKING for collaborations has been what works best for us.
And instead of the accidental collaborations we started with, now that she’s older, we’re consciously collaborating…working together to tell a story through the pictures…something I’ve always had a problem with in my own art. But by allowing her to take control for a combined purpose, I think it helps build her confidence. She’s not just adding on to my work…she’s helping me tell a story together, and I love it.
“We make a great team,” she says. And that makes me smile.
(I added a few of our newer collaborative pieces to our print site at Society6…)
(Copies of the book of early collaborations we made ourselves through Kickstarter can be found here…)
busy mockingbird 